To all girls of tumblr, this is to you

I know there is so much pain out there, and seeing such a quantity of it on here i wanted to write this letter to you.


i am so sorry for what you have gone through in your life. it pains me greatly.

family Is meant to be full of love. they ARE meant to give you support and show kindness and be on your side. 
i do not have the best family life either. i’m not sure what is going on in your family life it may be good, it may not be, but what i’ve noticed is the fact that my parents, and yours, are human. human in the simplest form. they are not all wise. they are not all knowing or know what to do in bad situations, and most of the time end up making things worse. they try - they fail. sometimes to our expense. they do us wrong. they sometimes fail us as our parents. it really is heartbreaking when these things happen. that’s not how family is meant to be. but they try. 
they may be a huge part of your life but they are people. people are bound to stuff up, and no body is perfect. but those people also need to take some damn responsibility for you and actually care for their daughter or even just listen to you. whatever it may be that you, personally need.

friends do let us down too. they may not even realise it, just how much we may need them. a regular hello from them or a cup of hot chocolate with them would always be appreciated, or just spending that extra 5 minutes with you to see if you really are ‘ok’. the little things.
the little things, that ended up meaning so much. we can be blown away by the love shown towards us in the simplest of ways. even something as simple as a friendship. 

you have been doing so well.. even if it is just getting up every morning out of bed. 
i have experienced pain also. i spent about three + years in a daily pit of depression. it was an utter shit time. i felt so incredibly alone and in pain. i was broken. thinking and feeling alone was numbing. felt so stale inside. i used to want to die too - i used to want to be sick. i remember wanting to have cancer, seems absurd now, cancer is such a horrible disease but at the time it’s all i wanted. (i dont think ive ever said that to anyone before) i could never end my life myself so i thought if i got sick it would be taken care of.
i think in that frame of mind i just wanted the crap and pain to ultimately end. not so much my life. eventually i pulled through, but it wasn’t on my own strength. others helped me. 

i guess i just really want to encourage you to keep going. no matter how hard it is.
to push back those negative thoughts of how hard it is, of not seeing an end to the pain, anger, hurt and brokenness.

you are not worthless. every single person on earth is worth of life and worth of a full life.
You are enjoyed. at work or at school, somewhere, someone out there loves you. they love your company. you are apart of their life. you bring to them a smile. you have given them memories to cherish. you bring that. 
you ‘bring’ enough. you are enough. 

people say things to hurt us and to cut us down. even though sometimes they may not even realise they have done so. 
i understand you are hurting and are feeling the lowest of lows. to be perfectly honest i am so glad that each and every attempt of ending your life failed because you get to live another day. these attempts or things you wish upon yourself are horrible horrors. that stuff does happen in the world but it is life shattering. life is full of such extreme things, but it was never meant to be like this. i believe the world was meant to be of peace and love and without such pain. of something more than what we see now or could ever imagine.

i know i can’t quick fix your pain and everything else that’s going on in your life but i am here to support you, to vent to any time or whatever it is that you need, from a friend. 
if anything, i just want you to know you are worthy. and i truly hope wholeheartedly you may discover this.

i want to give you one of my all time favourite quotes to hold on to. i write it to you wholeheartedly.

‘What I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that though I do not know you and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you.’

Today, I found out that my housemate, who is a very close friend of mine, is cutting.

Today, another friend has asked me to forget them. 

Today, my mum asked me, that when she moves, and when my lease is up at the place i’m in now, that i move into a place with my brother because she can’t afford to have him under her roof. He struggles with anxiety, even to the point of getting out of the house, to get a job, to do simple tasks. I will be taking on her role, to help him. As much as i want to see him grow and to be able to live freely, i don’t think i can do it on my own.
I’m also trying to get by in my own life. There is no way i could support him and myself. i live week to week, some days, day by day, financially.


In all, I feel low, extremely sad and am completely unsure what to do. 
My heart is heavy. 

I spose i dont really care if no one sees this, reads it or caress. i just needed it out, ya know?